…literally.

Yesterday I did something I’ve not done for many many years. I trod dogshit into the carpet of Livid Towers. I can assure you I was not a happy-fucking-bunny. The cold air had clearly masked the smell before I reached home. I think the neighbours probably think I murdered someone in a fit of violent fury, such was the volume and frequency of the expletives, and incessant screaming.

Getting dogshit out of a beige carpet is like cleaning your hands after cooking with garlic. You wash, you scrub, you remove every visible trace of the offending substance, but when it’s all said and done, you can still fucking smell it. I’ve sprayed the soiled area with kitchen cleaner, bathroom cleaner, deodorant and air freshener, but I’m convinced I can still smell it.

I obviously had to tread in a turd produced by the dog-world equivalent of Morgan Sperlock, it must spend it’s life eating kebabs and drinking Guinness. Maybe it’s spent the last month eating nothing but crap in the hope that some poor pedestrian will tread its waste into a nice, light coloured, hard to clean carpet. Well congratulations mutt, your plan was successful. But I’ve had enough, and now it’s time to fight back. (more…)

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