How the fuck can a society that has put a man on the Moon, mapped the human genome, and invented lager, not yet have created something to make the process of changing a duvet easier?
I kid you not when I say it took me 21 minutes last night to change one king-sized duvet cover and the associated bedding. That means in the last week I’ve spent more than twice as long making my bed as I have shagging in it. This is not right. This is not the life I ordered.
It’s not that I’m a spaz y’know. I have fully functioning limbs and everything, and I’m quite coordinated, I don’t throw like a girl or anything like that, so why in the fucking name of everything that is good and holy is changing a duvet cover so fucking bastard difficult?!
Now, I’m quite sure some of you are reading this and thinking, “Why don’t you just turn it inside out and grab the corners, give it a shake, and hey presto!”
Do you not think I’ve fucking tried that? That may work on a slimline one tog single persons duvet, but believe me when I tell you that it abso-fucking-lutely does not work on my king-size mans duvet. All 14.5 togs of the bastard.
It’s like wrestling a fucking bear. I’ve actually had panic attacks after climbing inside the covers to get the duvet to fit snugly into the corners, and then realising I couldn’t find my way back out again. I can only imagine that’s what it’s like to go pot-holing. Perhaps I should’ve left a bread trail.
All I ask is that some bright spark out there please stop trying to achieve the impossible, the world really doesn’t need another space telescope, faster car, or better hydrogen fuel cell. It’s time to put your mind to something worthwhile. Making my fucking bed.
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Livid does not even describe what I feel · March 8, 2006 at 11:31 am
Mr Angry,
top tip from my good lady (who you know well). Turn the duvet inside out, put the corners of the duvet to the duvet cover and then unravel the duvet cover over the duvet.
Easy. Living with someone does have its good points such as this top tip.
PS – I heartily recommend that unless you are planning on going out on the pull, waste less time on the duvet cover and more time meeting ladies to increase your chances of improving your duvet cover replacing:shagging ration. Alternatively, only go on the pull in the summer when you should only need a sheet!!