“Alright Smiley, I’d like a hundred penny chews please”
I admit, that’s not the start to a conversation you’d expect from a man my age. However, as I was on my way to visit some friends who have young children I thought that nothing would buy their affection quite like bag of penny chews. I can still remember the dizzying sugar rush after consuming one too many myself, the jittery response to so much sugar made me feel like I was developing early onset Parkinsons, though with hindsight, at 19 years old perhaps I should have been beyond cola bottles.
Anyway, I’d asked Smiley – the local corner shop owner – for one hundred penny chews.
“That’ll be two pounds please.”
“Excuse me?”
“Two pounds please Angry.”
“Don’t you mean one pound?”
“No, they’re two pence a sweet, so it’s two pounds in total.”
“But they’re called penny chews, the emphasis here I think is on the word ‘penny’. As in one pence. One hundred of which makes one english pound. Hence my expectation of a price of one pound”
“That’s an easy mistake to make, the generic name for these types of sweets is ‘penny chews’, it’s nothing to do with the price”
“You’re wrong Smiley, trust me on this, I used to buy a LOT of penny chews, and the penny did, without question, refer to the price”
“That’s inflation for you Angry”
“This is an infringement of the Price Markings Order 2004, you do realise that don’t you? It requires the selling price, and where appropriate the unit price, of products to be clearly displayed. I would imagine that sign on the counter saying, “Penny Chews”, is a pretty clear example of price indication, wouldn’t you?”
“Do you want the chews or not Angry?”
“Yes. For a pound”
“You can’t have them for a pound. They cost two pounds. Don’t be such a tight bastard Angry, get the kids what they want.”
“Fuck off Smiley, you thieving bastard, this is blatant profiteering. I’ll see to it you’re closed within a week!”
This readers, is possibly the most effective method to get barred from a corner shop.
I need to learn that sometimes, it’s better to just let the little things go. It’s a pain walking all the way to town for a bottle of milk, but it is six pence cheaper. Enough to buy me three penny chews in fact.
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Dr Clip · February 23, 2006 at 6:54 pm
Kids are to fat nowadays anyway. Brussel sprouts would have been a good option. Although single mothers who spend £90 a fags a day and have the premium package on sky will complain that fresh food is to expensive to buy for their kids and that turkey twizzlers would be a better optiion.
I tell you what you pikey drug addict slag, next time you are out on the game, try and fit a few more hand jobs into your schedule, and when you go and buy your crack, remember to save some money for vegtables, you wacked out wired whore.
I am livid » Toilet Terrorists · April 3, 2006 at 9:27 am
[...] He admitted defeat to my superior argument, though I suspect the fact I only whispered it may have hindered his comprehension. He then tried to sell me a lollypop. For a pound. I’ve only recently been ripped off for confectionery so I was wise to his ploy. [...]