17
They’re called MOBILE phones for a reason
1 Comment · Posted by Grigio Gringo in Open Letters
I just don’t get it. You spend upwards of £200 on the newest, tiniest, snazziest phone on the market, it’s got video, 3G, mp3 player, the absolute works. You even bragged to the rest of us that you don’t even know it’s in your pocket when you’re carrying it. It’s quite literally your pride and joy. You lucky lucky bitch you.
So why, do you then choose to leave it on your desk whilst you go on an office walkabout?
As if that’s not bad enough, you then proceed to illustrate to everyone present, just how window lickers like yourself keep the Jamsters of this world in business by having any incoming call play, at ear splitting volume, anything from the Crazy Frog song to the latest Girls Aloud release. Of course, because you’re not there to answer it, the call goes to voicemail, which then calls you back another half a dozen times, with the same boiled piss inducing ring tone, at an incrementally higher volume, each call about a minute apart. You inconsiderate slag!
In fact, it appears to me that you’ve now managed to time your tea/fag/piss breaks to perfection, such that a call arrives just as you get out of ear shot, and you return just as the final voicemail call has ended.
“Oh, I’m sorry, did my phone ring?”
“Yes”
“Sorry about that, was it a bit loud?”
“Yes”
“Oh dear. Er, did it, y’know, sound good though? Could you feel the base? Great innit!”
(Slap)
I’ve decided that from this point onwards a mallet will be taken to all such offending phones. Of course, as far as you’re concerned, the real reason your new gadget is lying in one thousand pieces on the floor is that the vibrate alert made it fall of the desk and underneath my fat sized tens. 17 times.
There may be tears as a result, there may be tantrums, but I would imagine that your next overpriced micro jukebox will stay as close to you as a tightarse to his wallet. Or maybe it won’t. But if I’m again subjected to the sounds of the theme from Mission Impossible when you’ve left your mobile unattended I cannot be held responsible for my actions.
And next time it’ll be more than a slap.
No tags
Badger · August 4, 2006 at 11:07 pm
Hmm.
Sounds familiar.
What you should do if this happens again is (assuming it is a flip-phone)quickly chew a nice, sticky wad of gum, open the phone up, tell the person who made the call to “FUCK OFF YOU TWATTING OLD CUNT BASTARD” before shoving the aforementioned wad into the phone and flipping it back.
Fucking magic.
B.