If a sports car to a man is a penis extension, then what is a giant 4×4 school-run-mobile to an urban Mother?
I ask, as that ride isn’t making your cahoonas look any bigger, or your ass any cuter, you dishevelled looking old bitch. I can assure you that those zig-zag lines by the school don’t mean “please park behind me, that’s it, just by the zebra crossing”. Though to be fair you’re so bloody high up in that thing you probably can’t even see the road markings.
When you’re not parking, your driving skills leave a lot to be desired. You would be the first one screaming blue murder if your inability to use your vehicle leads to little Jimmy being stuck under my wheel arch. Yet the carelessness with which you get from A to B makes that a distinct possibility. You have a blatant disregard for any other road user, or any other child’s safety on the road for that matter.
And don’t give me that crap about how much safer they are, try giving the “it’s a safer car on todays roads” lecture to the poor schmuck in the Nissan Micra you just flattened. I sometimes think you honestly believe that other cars would literally bounce off you if they hit you.
Why do you even need a 4×4? I would imagine that machine you’re driving has seen as much off road action as the average pram.
I can only emplore the readers to stick the below on any offending vehicles they come across. Particularly those parked outside schools, Homebase, urban business parks, or the gym.
If I had just two bullets left and I was faced with both white van man and Mr Taxi driver, I’m afraid to say, that you would get it. Twice. Followed by a severe pistol whipping.
No tags
karilyn · February 15, 2006 at 5:51 pm
the 4X4 is to a women the ultimate fertility symbol (only slightly less than a swollen pregant belly… less baby more food). The woman views the 4×4 as a indication and a manifestation that she has had the ablity to procreate. For the more ulgy woman this is a sign that some stupid fella had the delusion to fuck her long enough to create a sprog.
A man views the 4×4 as a vasecitomy car like its the only thing big enough to bring the brood around and he doesn’t want any more kids!
The 4×4 (suv) is like a fucking tank and the little fucker driving it is having one of those manic moments where they think they are part of a pintzer movement in warfare. they mistakenly view us mere walkers and ford focus drivers as potential colletorial damage or lesser mortals who need to be exterminated!
Admin comment by Mr Angry · February 15, 2006 at 8:03 pm
That doesn’t explain why you can’t drive the bloody things Karilyn?!