As Celebrity Big Brother nears its conclusion, the media attention these C-listers are drawing is making me sick. This years crop include a one-hit wonder (from the mid 80’s), a woman famous for wearing nothing to a party once, and another for having sex with her boss. Well, if that’s not worthy of the publics attention I don’t know what is.
But I have a plan, a plan so cunning that Blackadder himself would say you could pin a tail on it and call it a fox
What they clearly crave is celebrity, so lets deny them the one thing that makes this whole thing worthwhile – fame.
Take Celebrity Big Brother off the air. Stop showing it. Now.
Off course, we don’t tell the wannabe’s that. We let them continue to think they are being watched 24×7, that fan clubs are being started over the country, and that the tabloids are waiting in the wings with six figure cheques to tell their ‘life’ story. In reality however, they’ll be seen once a week by Ted the caretaker who’ll drop off a couple of bags of shopping, perhaps some rice and bread, the bare minimum to help them survive, along with a note from Big Brother
Dear Celebrities,
Big Brother is taking a break. You have done well in the tasks so far, and as a treat none of you will be evicted this week, and maybe not the week after either, should you behave yourselves. We’re going to leave you to it. Remember, your adoring public is watching 24×7, so there’ll always be someone watching. Enjoy the coming days and weeks.
Big Brother.
I think they’d probably stay for about a month before someone upped and left. Probably enough time for the whole country to forget about them, and Gorgeous George to lose his seat in Parliament. Now THAT is a programme I’d tune into watch.
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Dr Clip · February 17, 2006 at 4:21 pm
I have another idea, possibly my greatest yet. A think Emdemol should do “Guantanamo Bay” Big Brother.
First of all it would introduce a level of stability into the camp as the world would be watching the US torture potentially innocent people.
Secondly, since they can’t be bothered to trial any of the “in-mates” the daily tasks could be “make a bomb, conceal it in your shoe, and hide it from the guards for 24 hours”, or “learn to fly a 747 and get tested in this simulator, points for hitting tall buildings”.
This could however lead to some kind of witch-hunt trial – If you can do it, you are a terrorist – if you cannot – you are pretending and therefore you are a terrorist. But this kind of final detail could be worked out later.
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