So. Shock horror. The worst kept secret in British politics is out. It appears that Charles Kennedy is an alcoholic. Well, I say ‘alcoholic‘, it’s not actually a word he used in his statement. No, Charlie boy has a ‘drink problem‘, which I guess is like alocholic lite, or trainee alcoholic.
I do, however, feel we’ve been bloody cheated. With just about every celebrity alcoholic you care to name, we get at least some element of public humiliation that finally brings to bear the confession of “I’m an alcoholic”, oh, sorry Charlie, I meant “I have a drink problem”. We’ve seen Gazza/G8 and his plastic tits, wife beating, inane drunken ramblings to the media. Ollie Reed went on TV and danced like your grandad at a wedding. On a live chat show. Even George Best had the decency to give us some great one-liners during some of his legendary benders. But what has Charles Kennedy ever given us? Fuck all. That’s what.
Admittedly some of the promises from the Liberal Democrats manifesto make you wonder just how pissed he was putting it together, and I guess it would’ve been great to fun watch his colleagues negotiate with him: “No Charles, we can’t reduce the duty on Scotch to zero and give Kebabs out on the NHS you feckin’ eejit”. And if we’re perfectly honest, it’s going to take a pretty booze addled brain to honestly believe that the Lib Dems were ever going to get into power, so perhaps we should have seen it coming earlier? In fact, now I think about it I reckon we should breathalise that Paddy Ashdown fella, he looks like a bit of an old lush.
Anyway, there was one completely obvious clue to to this news that we should have noticed many many years ago. Like so many before him, the clue was staring us in the face every time he went on TV. It should come as a suprise to absolutely noone that he likes a drink, he is, after all Scottish.
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