How many people do you know called Chardonnay? Or Keanu? Or Sapphire? Or Breeze? None personally I’d imagine. But that’s going to change. Oh yes.
Nursery schools around the country are awash with shout’s of “put that knife down Meadow” or “don’t eat the plasticine Britney”. There are adults out there that have had the complete and utter lack of foresight to name their children – yes, the fruit of their loins, those small people who are likely to be around for the next 80 odd years – after alcoholic drinks and one-hit wonder pop-stars. Do these kids have a hope in hell of a normal life? Do they bugger.
Would you want one as your doctor in 20 years? Would you vote for one of them? Would you feck as like. Of course, stupid kids names are nothing new, Frank Zappa famously called his kid Moon-Unit. Yes that’s right; he’s actually famous for giving his son a ridiculous moniker. Can you hum a Frank Zappa tune? Can you arse. But we all know what he called his kid though don’t we. And what does Moon-unit do these days? What. You don’t know? I’ll tell you what does. He spends his days in a mental asylum dribbling on himself after years of abuse from merciless kids during his time at school, all brought on by his moron parents giving him a name which was the equivalent to tattooing “twat” on his forehead. Allegedly.
If smacking a child is to be made illegal, then naming them in a ridiculous manner should also be serious jail time, and I mean hard time. We should see road gangs of parents chained together chanting in time, “I will not name my child after an alcopop”… “Axel is a car part not a boys name”. Or better still why not allow children to rename their parents when they get to 21? That’d see a few parents think twice wouldn’t it? Oh yeah, “Mercedes Crystal” might sound great to you for 21 years, but lets see how you like it when your signing for your pension as Mr Dogtits Smith, or Mrs Pisstrap Brown. I bet there’d be some bloody good 21st birthday presents too!
If you want to see an example of what I mean, check out the girl on the far right, fifth row down!
I just want to know what’s wrong with a good old fashioned name like Wilf, Herbert and Gerald?
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5 comments
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Judith · December 18, 2006 at 11:50 am
Why are they all wearing the same outfits?
I am livid » Happy Birthday to me · January 3, 2007 at 12:14 pm
[...] This is where it all began for me. Not a particularly prolific month, just getting a few things off my chest, particularly in my first ever post about kids with ridiculous names. The twats. I never did find anyone who could hum a Frank Zapper tune? Also in the news were the Fathers for Justice, for ceasing all protest activity, a real shame that. [...]
Caitlin · September 21, 2007 at 11:15 pm
It’s not really the name that’s odd, it’s the lack of culture. For example, “Axel” may be a car part in English, but to the Danish-Hebrew culture, it’s a boys’ name meaning “father of peace”.
CodPast · December 12, 2007 at 2:06 pm
I can hum several Zappa tunes – Peaches & Regalia and Willy The Pimp to name just two.
By the way Moon is a girl.
His sons are called Dweezil and Ahmet
AlexM · August 13, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!