My God, how do these people even pass a driving test?!
As someone who spends 2 hours a day on our nations roads I feel more than qualified to pass judgement at the morons that populate our motorways most days of the week. Let me start with the motorways. They have three lanes, count’em, yes one, two, THREE lanes. The one on the left does not have the lurgy. You will NOT burst into flames if your car should happen to venture into its confines, so why not give driving in it a try eh? You might like it.
We don’t need more speed camera’s, we need some grenade launchers, each one strategically placed to lock onto middle-lane hoggers, every one designed to rid this country of this despicable menace. If someone is driving in the middle lane at 65 mph, or less, on a quiet motorway I honestly believe I should be well within my rights to ram them into the central reservation. Harsh? Perhaps. Fair? Definitely. I thought it was only horses that wore blinkers, I was obviously wrong, especially when it’s clear the peripheral vision of these muppets is in the 10 degrees range. And they all drive in exactly the same manner. Is there a crap driving instructor out there teaching these people? They all drive with their hands at “ten to two” on the wheel, leaning forward from the seat with their face just inches from the windscreen staring blankly at the horizon. Relax for Christ’s sake!
But don’t, whatever you do, relax too much, as there’s one sure fire way to rile me is to drive with one arm out of the window. No. You don’t look cool. No, you don’t, trust me. Especially if you’re driving a white Transit van with a set of ladders on the roof and a copy of the Sun on the dashboard. It’s not a Lamborghini pal, it’s a fecking big dirty van, and the birds aren’t looking your way. Surprising that eh? And if your one spare hand happens to be gripping a phone to the side of your head then be prepared for me to rip out your still beating heart and shove it up your arse.
There are inconsiderate drivers, there are bloody stupid drivers, there are even technically incompetent drivers, but you mobile users are just damn dangerous. And should be shot. With a bow and arrow. Through the testicles. If they have them of course.
Honestly the roads would be a much safer, and less stressful, environment if everyone drove like me. I’ve never been in a real accident, touch wood, in fact I suppose I am quite lucky as I’ve seen dozens in my rear view mirror…
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