I am livid

As Celebrity Big Brother nears its conclusion, the media attention these C-listers are drawing is making me sick. This years crop include a one-hit wonder (from the mid 80’s), a woman famous for wearing nothing to a party once, and another for having sex with her boss. Well, if that’s not worthy of the publics attention I don’t know what is.

But I have a plan, a plan so cunning that Blackadder himself would say you could pin a tail on it and call it a fox Read the rest of this entry »

Todays news tells us our favourite comedy gear wearing pressure group have decided to cease protests and operations in the wake of a rogue splinter group planning to kidnap Tony Blairs youngest son.

Personally I think it’s a shame, not only do I believe in their cause, but also it means we won’t get the chance to see Batman & Robin hunt down the kidnapper in thier midst. Read the rest of this entry »

Can someone please tell me when we decided the English language wasn’t good enough?

It has got to the stage where I am now receiving emails from work colleagues, so-called business professionals, containing what I believe is now known as “text speak”.

Slang I can just about live with, even the odd time-saving acronym is unlikely to raise a scowl, but sending me an email containing a phrase such as “spk l8r” will leave me reaching for the nearest thesaurus with which to beat you. Read the rest of this entry »

So. Shock horror. The worst kept secret in British politics is out. It appears that Charles Kennedy is an alcoholic. Well, I say ‘alcoholic‘, it’s not actually a word he used in his statement. No, Charlie boy has a ‘drink problem‘, which I guess is like alocholic lite, or trainee alcoholic.

I do, however, feel we’ve been bloody cheated. Read the rest of this entry »

How many of you reading this pay your car insurance premiums on time every month or year? Well I do too.

I’m also pleased to say that until last week I had not had cause to actually make a claim during my 10 years + of driving. A fact that I was not unreasonably proud of. Well, that record is now tarnished, as I have made a claim now, and what thoroughly soul destroying experience it has been…. Read the rest of this entry »

…What a smug bastard.

I don’t really need to say any more, except if the nasal sounding, monster conked tit ever tries to interview me, I’ll shove his microphone right up his hoop.

My God, how do these people even pass a driving test?!

As someone who spends 2 hours a day on our nations roads I feel more than qualified to pass judgement at the morons that populate our motorways most days of the week. Let me start with the motorways. They have three lanes, count’em, yes one, two, THREE lanes. The one on the left does not have the lurgy. You will NOT burst into flames if your car should happen to venture into its confines, so why not give driving in it a try eh? You might like it. Read the rest of this entry »

How many people do you know called Chardonnay? Or Keanu? Or Sapphire? Or Breeze? None personally I’d imagine. But that’s going to change. Oh yes.

Nursery schools around the country are awash with shout’s of “put that knife down Meadow” or “don’t eat the plasticine Britney”. There are adults out there that have had the complete and utter lack of foresight to name their children - yes, the fruit of their loins, those small people who are likely to be around for the next 80 odd years - after alcoholic drinks and one-hit wonder pop-stars. Do these kids have a hope in hell of a normal life? Do they bugger. Read the rest of this entry »